This Is Our God - Chris Tomlin featuring David Crowder

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm
This is our God
He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years
This is our God

So call upon His name, He is mighty to save
This is our God

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken
This is our God
And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness
This is our God

So call upon His name, He is mighty to save
This is our God

This is the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

A fountain for the thirsty, a lover for the lonely
This is our God
He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful
This is our God

So call upon His name, He is mighty to save
He is mighty to save

This is the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

You are the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

So the past couple of weeks at church, we have been going through 1 Peter and looking what it meant to be "displaced". I felt the last few weeks have been rather convicting (as to how much I don't love...), but last Sunday's really opened my eyes about how I was not feeding on God's milk (aka, His Word).

My quiet times and productivity during the day have been subpar since I started my third year at college. I started a time management exercise where I recorded everything I did in 30-minute increments throughout the day onto a spreadsheet. Then I played with formulas until I was able to accurately gauge how I spent my time in percentages. I started last Tuesday and it's been about a week now. I spend about 30% of my time sleeping (especially when I try to squeeze at least 7 hours a night), but what came in second was internet time. I spent more time on the internet than on my classes and homework combined. I knew I had an unhealthy addiction to the internet and this further validated my assumption.

So this Sunday, the message was focused on being nourished by God and why are we not hungry.
The primary reason is because we are full of something else in this world. That we have become so dependent on something so far apart from Christ, that it becomes an idol. That when we think we can live independently of God, it is sin. It's difficult to develop a hunger when you are already bloated with something far less fulfilling than what God has to offer. When you think that you can handle your time, your relationships, your time, your work, your life in general...by yourself, you have already let pride come in between you and God. We can't lean on God when we are leaning on other things in this world or ourselves. We lose sight that sometimes God wants us to struggle in order for us to be broken, and we are also tempted to solely focus on God's goodness rather than our need for Him.

Being Christian does not mean your life is perfect or completely under control.

Sometimes, the "perfect nice person who can handle it all" is merely a facade of how far apart they are from God. That they believe and invest so much in their own abilities, it is as if the existence of God would not influence how well they man their life. Personally, I struggle with both finding something other than God to fulfill me and thinking that I have the skill to manage my time effectively. The combination of my time management spreadsheet and this Sunday's sermon, I fail so miserably at earnestly seeking God. Instead of quiet times first thing in the mornings, I would find myself checking my email. Instead of socializing and loving those around me, I find myself wanting to post on my forum or playing flash games or tweeting. Instead of investing in my classes more and using the privilege of being at an art college, I am lazy and master procrastination skills that allows me to turn in mediocre work that I am ashamed of. I need to depend less on the internet to kill time and depend more on God's Word to grow spiritually.

What are you nourishing or craving for?

So, many people may or may not know, different majors have different personalities. I guess in high school, the "art kid" was always the outcast, misunderstood student who was that person who always sat in the back in the room, sketching away without socializing with others who did not have the similar interests of hidden internet meme humor, the "dark" (i.e., Hot Topic) melancholy dress, or the appreciation of anime.

Here at art school, believe it or not, each major of art have their own unique personalities. Architecture majors are mostly OCD or extreme Type-A personalities. Performing art majors are very similar to the theatre/drama students in high school. Illustration majors are soft, rosy girls who seem to come right out of a romanticized Ruben painting. Fiber majors are complete hippies, but one must have enough "cool points" or extreme "coolness factor" to be one. So on and so forth.
(These traits may not ring true to all students in that particular major, as to any stereotype applying to anything.)

And then the animation major.

As a graphic design major, I'm actually quite surprised that practically 85%+ of my friends are animation majors. Most of my freshmen orientation group of friends that I grew close to are animation majors. My only boyfriend (well, ex now) I had in college was an animation major. Most of the Asian girls I connect with the most are animation majors. Correlation, yes? (Why am I not an animation major? I do not find a great passion and patience to draw the same thing over and over consistently for a 2D drawing to "magically" come to "life".)

I think it is because these are the practically the students on campus who are truly a child at heart. They are the people who will get super excited over any G-rated movie, especially if "Pixar" is mentioned. These are the kids who put sound effects in everyday conversations. Who aren't afraid to be an extreme dork and public by doing absolutely ridiculous childish things (like, play Quidditch) that a fashion major will be completely embarrassed to associate with. These are the students who will never grow up.

What does this tie back into?
Well, since I do not plan to marry another art major (for personal subjective views on art reasons and honestly, financial reasons), but to meet a guy with this "animator" persona, even if he is in a profession completely not related to art, I would be simply ecstatic. I would love to meet a guy who would get as hyped up to the point of speechlessness and uncontrollable excitement for something simply as going to see Toy Story double feature in 3D (which I did see and cherished every second of it!). In fact, at the Toy Story double feature, I saw a guy my age who dressed up completely in a Buzz Lightyear costume. He stole my heart for a second! (well, he was probably with his girlfriend to see this movie) Someone who will still laugh at every crazy quote I crack at them, no matter how many times I repeat it (have you heard me speak whale?) This animator who can make me laugh at a humor that is not ridden of innuendos, prejudice, gossip, or any other crude things.

I know I dream a lot about my future (...relationship.)
I mean, I guess I'm glad that I can specify or pinpoint certain traits that I would like my guy to end up with. And how I will constantly daydream about the "perfect for me" guy God is currently molding. But at the same time, I understand that no matter what happens, I still have to trust God in the end. I can list out all the traits I want and fantasize all the ideal situations for this guy to court me with, but ultimately, I have no control over it what-so-ever. It could be a possibility that I know him already right this instant or he could be some stranger that I meet on a blind date. Maybe I could end up with a guy who has never grew up with a foundation of Disney movies and enlightening him would be the way for our courtship to grow. Maybe I would find a guy who is a complete stolid, serious rock in personality, and I would be the one who will chisel away his shell to find his inner child. Maybe the guy will be more childish than I am and further make me even more dorky.

Maybe God will bless me with a guy that I will find nothing in his personality to change what-so-ever. Ahh. :)

Nonetheless, I think God knows what I want, but even better, God knows exactly the right guy that I need in the end. Lalala...I'm a terribly hopeless romantic embodied as a Christian woman with fairy tale ideals. Whoo...