So roughly the last time I blogged was around two weeks ago before my professors unloaded a heap of final projects on me. And in all I can do to procrastinate (Facebook, Twitter, Neopets, Hulu...), I did not resort to my Xanga. However, in the final stretch of finals (4 more days until home!), I have now broken into my blog (that I check daily regardless of my lack of activity), to pour out some thoughts, perhaps clear my mind, and waste some time before diving back into my massive web design project.

I have noticed a tendency for me to blog on Sundays. I believe one of those reasons is because I am often inspired by the sermon and would like to share my thoughts here. It's a shame that I haven't been writing in my physical journal as much probably due to my lack of complaints regarding roommates or boys. Oh, how I miss my own journal, but honestly, I haven't had any desperate thoughts I needed to outpour into it. As if my first quarter as a junior didn't exist.

Actually, this quarter has been pretty great and pretty terrible at the same time.

Great in the fact that my roommates are people I can actually live with, are clean, and involve in deep conversations with. Great in the fact that I am really involved in my extracirriculars, work-study jobs, and have attended a wide breadth of events (plays, gallery shows, speakers, other majors' exhibitions, etc). Great in how I exercise at least once a week (and can still do 2 miles, no sweat) and have been maintaining a healthy diet. Great in the fact that, even though I am past the halfway mark of my college career, I am still meeting new and interesting people who I am growing closer to and building worthwhile relationships with.

On the flip side, the terrible things of the quarter are the things that matter most. Terrible in the fact that I am strongly lacking motivation to do my academic work (the purpose I came to college for) and procrastinated to a new extreme (started and finished a project within the 6 hours before it was due, yuck). Terrible in the fact that my quiet times have become so far in the back of my mind that they're practically obsolete in my daily life, and as much as I tell myself that I'm going through a "dry season", I become apathetic and lukewarm, wondering where has all my passion gone. Terrible in the fact that I am being constantly distracted by technology (first thing I do when I wake up is turn on my computer and the last thing I view before going to sleep is the Internet), over conversing with real people and growing deeper with a real God. Terrible in the fact that I still have a baggage of a clingy friend I can't shake off and I don't have the courage to tell him to back off without him manipulating my feelings into a pity party for him.

So there's my quarter in a summary of upswings and downswings, where the latter obviously outweighs the former. On top of that, two of my classes scrutinize humanity's dependency on media and technology to where we are settling for false intimacy and are losing more of our human selves the more we interact with it. This definitely was the eye-opening, home-hitting lesson of this quarter. Even though some of us are aware how much we are brainwashed with the need to spend more time on the internet for wasteful hours, we won't break from it. I am guilty of this. I am an internet addict. I know the more I fill myself up with internet (junk food), the less I desire to spend time with God and His people (real nourishing food).

Unfortunately, my major involves technology and with that comes with distractions. I am no longer dealing with the rawness of graphite, paper, and making marks. I have been convinced of the digital, which is sad because some of the best graphic designers are those we are far more capable of using the raw materials to create graphics.  If I want to come to that stage, I need to unplug myself. This is the struggle I need to overcome.

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Onto other things...
Today's sermon was more about God's intended role for women in marriage (1 Peter 3:1-6). What I took out of it ("the application"), was not to date someone who I was not willing to follow. As I grow out of my "easy" boy-crazy phase (or at least become more tame), I have been refining my standards and looking for Godly men (not just mere "nice guys"). But when the pastor revealed that, it moved me.

I understand some girls would simply go on dates with any guy that has the courage to ask her out in order to give the guys "a chance", but I think I'm at the point I wouldn't do that. I have already told many people that I'm at the point of my life where dating is no longer "for fun" or "knowing what I want" or "experience", but rather, I am seriously looking for someone I would want to consider spending my life with. Why would I waste my time on some guy, even if he's extremely cute and attractive, on one date if I have no inking of intention what-so-ever to some day marry him?

Yes, I understand this is a quite harsh, radical way to view things. No, I am not being "brainwashed" by my church's values and beliefs. I firmly understand the implications of this choice I am making. Not even one small lunch date with a handsome non-Christian guy? No, not even one. It would be like taking a little bit of delicious chocolate, which is great and all for the time being, but it doesn't completely satisfy you. Before you know it, you would want more and no amount of chocolate would satisfy your hunger. You will become sick of chocolate and have taken on the laziness and apathy that you wouldn't have the stand to leave the relationship. I don't want myself to get involved in a relationship that I end up not caring about on a deeper level as it rolls over into marriage, where I am unhappy in the long term and stuck.

In another view, sin is sin, even if it's a little bit. God calls Christians not to be yoked with unbelievers. I don't want to give Satan the edge and risking myself by going on a small date with someone I'm not truly interested in as he is not passionate about following Christ. Knowing my susceptibility to lust, I don't want Satan to take advantage of me by putting myself in a situation where I am prone to fall.

Which is why, by God's grace and strength, I have determined to not go on a date with someone I cannot follow and I have no desire in seeing him as my future partner in marriage.
(Who knows, I may end up not dating for quite a long time, years even. I am okay with that. But it doesn't mean I won't struggle with boys still.)

Likewise, guys should not ask girls out who are not willing to submit the authorities (parents, law, professors, counselors, pastors, etc.) in her life. If she doesn't want to follow the law and the governing bodies God has placed in her life, why on earth would she ever follow you in marriage?

As for the woman's role of submission the Bible describes, it doesn't mean for the husband to order her around or force her submit. It's not a lower-in-value or a second-place status. It something precious God has given her and the submission is voluntary. That's the true beauty of it that God has intended for women to reveal.